I am beyond happy as Cora and her daughters spent nearly a week with us! She came last Monday and left for home very early yesterday morning. The house sure is quiet now but, OH, the memories we made!!!
Robert, Jacob, and I had multiple shared meals with our son, Andrew, and his family while Cora was here with us. We hosted some meals here and Andrew and Marie hosted some at their house. We feasted together with the joys of family closeness enriching us all!! What a joy it was to see the little cousin's love for each other growing even more. Their hugs and laughter filled us with delight!
After I made my guy's lunch this morning, and sent them to work for the day, I found myself thinking on something I haven't thought about in awhile. It has to do with the other family I'm a part of--the family of God.
I really don't like pondering this topic. Perhaps Father waited until after I'd had such a wonderful family week to help me through this issue. It needs to be talked about, for some reason, right now so I'll obey.
I grew up in a very loving and supportive church. The denomination was called EUB which stood for "Evangelical United Brethren." I praise God for those kind and gentle Sunday School teachers who taught and modeled God's love for me. I smile as I ponder all of the Sunday mornings singing my heart out with the choir under the direction of Reverend Roland Walkes. All of my memories of my first 18 years of life there are wonderful.
Then God took me to "Brookings Wesleyan Church" for the 4 years I was studying law enforcement/social work in Brookings, South Dakota. That, too, was a wonderful experience. I sang in the choir; helped with children's church; and was active in the collage and career Sunday School class. Everyone was kind to me and to each other.
I had no idea of the cruelty churches were capable of until I got married. Robert and I had been attending my home church which was no longer EUB but United Methodist--so not the same thing. We got married in October and were milking 120 Holsteins. When Summer came around, we had our first jolt with "Religion."
The church was voting on whether or not to switch to 9:00 AM services for the Summer months. Robert, my brand new husband, stood up and said "I would love to join this church but I milk cows. If you choose to switch your services to 9:00, I won't be able to come all Summer!" I was so proud of him.
Then numerous and assorted people spoke about how hot it is to sit during services at 11:00. The deciding factor was when one woman announced that the services HAD to be switched to 9:00 so that there kids could play in the ball games which started at noon.
When the vote was taken, it was close, but the ball players and the heat haters won out over the cow milkers. Robert and I got up and walked out. Nobody tried to stop us and my heart was broken.
I had served the people of that church all my life. I started singing solos for the ladies's aide meetings when I was only 4 years old. Later I played my trombone for their enrichment. I had taught Bible school and Sunday school. I was President of the youth group. I had sung in the choir forever and sung solos, duets, trios, quartets, small groups ANY CHANCE I GOT!! My family sang countless times for morning worship; Sunday night worship; Wednesday night worship. I sang for weddings and funerals. I helped Dad count the money after church on Sunday afternoons as he was the church Treasurer. ALL OF THAT MEANT NOTHING BECAUSE PEOPLE WANTED TO PLAY BALL AT NOON!!!!
Overt the years, this pattern continued of us serving in the churches that God took us too. Robert and I both sang in choirs and in small groups. We helped with children's programs; Junior High puppet programs; Bible school; and taught Sunday School. Robert was a deacon and then finally head deacon. He took offering; watched the nursery with me; and led the music service before the sermon.
We love serving the Lord and continue doing so in our home. However, we began to see organized religion for what it really is. The clincher came for me when a special friend from church called me. I was in the midst of home schooling; gardening; milking goats; and raising calves on the goat's milk.
She said, "We have finally figured out how we can USE YOU!"
I was stunned and waited.
"Being Ann died, we need a piano player for opening up of Sunday School. Will you do it?"
It took a few moments to process all of that. Being someone had died, they would now like to use me SOME MORE!! All that Robert and I were already doing in church, wasn't enough. I felt the back of my neck getting hot. I prayed for the words.
Finally I said coldly, 'NO THANK YOU! I've been used enough." I hung up and never looked back. I told Robert that I was done with organized religion and he agreed. He finished his year as head deacon and we left the church AND organized religion.
As I pondered all of this today, my mind when back to a time before we walked away from it all. I remembered how I salivated at the chance to sing in Bismarck Baptist church. We had been visiting and some people in front of us heard Robert and I singing. They turned to us afterwards and said, 'YOU SHOULD SING IN OUR CHOIR!"
AW Isn't that nice? They needed us to sing in the choir. Being we had just left our home town and our families of origin there, being involved seemed a little bit less lonely in our new life in the city. That, plus a lifetime of giving to my church, had conditioned us to "Live for our church!" So we joined the choir.
It wasn't long before the choir director noticed our voices. He wondered if we would like to sing in a small group they were getting together. WHY NOT?
I started to get excited. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I got to sing again like I did in my home church? Of course, there was a difference in that I was now a wife and mother. No worries. The church had a nursery.
Soon I was asked to sing in a ladies trio which I REALLY loved. In fact, the other 2 ladies are my Facebook friends today! Then my fame spread. When I was asked to sing on the praise team that opened the service, I knew that I had arrived. WOW!!! I was really using my talents for the Lord!!
I directed the music for Bible School with each class coming in to the chapel separately to learn their parts with me--the music director! How could it possibly get any better?
The ultimate and complete total bliss came when I was asked to sing the Soprano solo for the Christmas cantata just like when I was living in Eureka. My parents even drove 175 miles to see me perform "To the honor and glory of God!" We had a big splash afterwards at our house with the CHOIR DIRECTOR'S FAMILY and my parents and Robert and I all EATING TOGETHER AROUND OUR TABLE!!
I had arrived! I was singing again. When our son Andrew was born, the pastor offered to do a baby dedication service for all of the new babies in our church. He said that the parents could sing or read or whatever special thing that they wanted to do in honor of their son or daughter. By then I was confidently singing solos in front of the huge church so I offered to sing.
The big moment came and I sang Sandi Patty's CRADLE SONG to our son as Robert held the baby and cried for joy. Not me, I was a polished singer. I would cry later when I was alone. I am still crying.
The end to all of that came when we were in the ""We have finally figured out how we can USE YOU," church. I was singing in another ladies trio we had named "Hearts of Praise." I don't mind saying that we were pretty good. We even entered the local talent contest and made $100 which we split 3 ways. ;)
There was some talk of working on a concert. We had purchased books and an accompaniment track and had already sung at several local functions. Our fame was rising and then it happened. I LOST MY VOICE COMPLETELY!
For THREE MONTHS I could only whisper. I wrote notes to my family. I struggled to speak to my husband and children but I could not make myself be heard. I knew that my singing career was over and I wrote and told the other 2 ladies. I came to understand that subconsciously I did not want to wander away from my husband and children. They were everything to me!! I did NOT want to spend even more time working on a concert "For the glory of God" while my family felt my presence and my love less and less.
So I began my departure from organized religion. My voice and joy came back over time but I had come to see how organized religion sucks the life out of people and out of families. This program and that song may be nice but it does NOT have to be done by ME.
Children need their parent's lives devoted to them when they are little. During those voicless months, I hugged and kissed my babies more than ever before. Our family began to heal. I began to heal. When my voice finally returned full strength, I devoted my time to teaching my children how to sing well. Later we branched into instruments a little bit.
We will be home churching for 25 years this November. We rest on the Sabbath. We spend time with our family--quality time and fun time. We know that organized religion is a thief of family time. IT STEALS FROM THE FAMILY AND FOR WHAT???????
Now I'm going to switch gears to an even more sinister part of organized religion and that is abuse. Much is being done now to end child sexual abuse and I have hopes that the Trump Administration will put an end to it entirely. However, it was not spoken of when I was young.
Perhaps the incest I lived with at home, made me more likely to be hit upon. I don't have any statistics about that. I do know that three separate pastors tried to sexually molest me when I was young. One was so strong he was nearly successful, but I cried out to God, and an angel must have broken his grip on my arms. His wife was in their camper not 30 feet away and we were in the chapel.
Something awful happens to you when you are raped by a relative. Something equally awful happens to you when a PREACHER tries to rape you!!!!!!! It really messes with your thinking about yourself and especially about God!
I went in search of some form of help for my readers should this be in your past. I found this wonderful resource just now that I hope you will ponder. I may take her course in order to better help those who have been sexually abused in the context of church/religion. Apparently it happens more than I had realized at first due to my having had such a loving church when I was growing up.
If this is something you cannot relate to at all, that is WONDERFUL!! Please keep this resource available, though, in case someone you know may be in need of this help.
If abuse of any kind has come into your life through a church experience, PLEASE spend some time at Connie Baker's website. I really felt comfortable with her as I watched this video. I pray for you to find healing, and eventually peace, by knowing that God was there with you helping you through it!!
It grieves me terribly when people are abused in church. I've had a pastor practically yank my arm off when I said something he didn't like. I've been shunned in church for switching from wearing blue jeans to dresses when Father asked me to. We were called "Communists" in our church when we obeyed God's request to home school our children.
The worst thing about all of this, in my opinion, is that it gives God a bad name. When religious leaders abuse people, people think that's how God is and it is NOT how God is. GOD IS LOVE!! When the abusive pastor's sheep follow his lead, there's no where to go but to leave with your fresh wounds. Where do you go? Where in organized religion can you go and be safe?
Our family has found no such place. Very few people can handle the power given to them as a religious leader without it going to their heads. Abuse is soon to follow. May God-led home fellowships spring up all over the world. May they be small so everyone knows that they are valued. May they be places where people can heal from all of the religious abuse they've endured.
May you heal!
That is my prayer!!
Dawn
PS If you are blessed by what Connie Baker says on this video, I would urge you to go to her website:
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