Full of Beauty

I've always felt like the ugly duckling. I suppose it came from the abuses I endured in my childhood. In fact, when I was a teenager, my favorite song was Janice Ian's AT SEVENTEEN where she sang about how it felt to be an ugly girl in the school system. This time of year it's worse than at other times and I finally understand why. Now I think it's because it's the holiday season and that's when this event occurred.
In my senior year of high school, all of us girls were ordered to try out for the Snow Queen beauty contest. Prior to this, participation had been optional but now, with the school size diminishing, all of us girls were told that we HAD to participate. It was a low blow as I knew that I didn't have a chance in the world at winning the title of "Miss Eureka." How humbling it was to have to go through the motions of acting excited, like the pretty girls were doing, when all of the time I felt so ugly that I knew no judge in their right mind would ever choose me. Still, my folks bought me a dress and acted happy about the "Honor."
The only way that I got through it at all was that the Lord sent my uncle David home for Thanksgiving that year. He was always such a nut about me--looking at the internal beauty, you see. So he kept calling me, "Miss Eureka," the hours before the event and I clung to the thought that SOMEBODY saw some beauty in me. Of course I didn't win and of course I knew that I deserved not to because of my great ugliness. For years after that, though, Uncle David would call me "Miss Eureka," when he was home from Wisconsin, and I smile to this day remembering what he did for this ugly duckling that night of the Snow Queen contest.
The concept of "My" beauty is something that I have always struggled with. I can recall a collage friend threatening me to end our friendship if I didn't quit insulting myself. I didn't believe her and suffered her cold shoulder for months until I apologized to her. Then she stood up for me at my wedding. The irony of the whole thing is that she is somebody that I think is absolutely beautiful but Robert sees nothing of great beauty in her. So what is beauty? Well, this answer came to me the other day and I share it with all of you ladies who ever had to endure the pressures of a beauty contest or just plain growing up with Barbies. May this bless you as much as it did me!!!
Several years ago some good friends gave us the book MORNING AND EVENING which is a collection of Charles Surgeon's writings. I highly recommend filling your mind with these deep thoughts every morning and evening. I have been uplifted many times when I was experiencing the lows of the Christian life in this weary, sin-filled world. Although I don't get around to it every day, sometimes I just feel the Lord urging me to read the passage for that day and it is exactly what I have been needing. Such was the case recently when I read the following thoughts. This is the December 3rd reading for the morning. I pray that it will bless you, as it did me, when you get discouraged with the seemingly lack of progress towards our Heavenly home. The Scripture verse is Song of Solomon 4:7 which reads: There is no spot in thee.

Having pronounced His church positively full of beauty, our Lord confirms His praise by a precious negative, "There is no spot in thee." As if the thought occurred to the Bridegroom that the carping world would insinuate that He had only mentioned her comely parts, and had purposely omitted those features which were deformed or defiled, He sums up all by declaring her universally and entirely fair, and utterly devoid of stain. A spot may soon be removed and is the very least things that can disfigure beauty, but even from this little blemish the believer is delivered in his Lord's sight. If He had said there is no hideous scar, no horrible deformity, no deadly ulcer, we might even then have marvelled, but when He testifies that she is free from the slightest spot, all these other forms of defilement are included, and the depths of wonder is increased. If He had but promised to remove all spots by and by, we should have had eternal reason for joy; but when He speaks of it as already done, who can restrain the most intense emotions of satisfaction and delight? O my soul, here is marrow and fatness for thee; eat thy full, and be satisfied with royal dainties.
Christ Jesus has no quarrel with His spouse. She often wanders from Him, and grieves His Holy Spirit, but He does not allow her faults to affect His love. He sometimes chides, but it is always in the tenderest manner, with the kindest intentions:it is "my love" even then. There is no remembrance of our follies, He does not cherish ill thoughts of us, but He pardons and loves as well after the offence as before it. It is well for us it is so, for if Jesus were as mindful of injuries as we are, how could He commune with us? Many a time a believer will put himself out of humour with the Lord for some slight turn of providence, but our precious Husband knows our silly hearts too well to take any offence at our ill manners.

WOW--it is SO wonderful to know that our perfect God is not offended at my foolish doubts. He knows me so well as to know all of my negative thoughts and still loves me--is there anything more wonderful than this? I guess, if He is willing to see me as full of beauty, I should at least be willing to try to see myself that way. What a new and wonderful thought as I ponder the good work which He has begun in this ugly duckling. Surely He will complete it in me!!!