Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Self defense

I'm going to try this again.  I've come to realize that not everyone who reads this knows of my life-threatening illness in 2006.  Further, not everyone who reads this knows ME!  I kind of took it for granted that it was only my close friends who would take their precious time to read my thoughts here, but then, it is open to everyone.  I can just hear some folks thinking, "DA," but then they didn't read the condemning comment that came in last week.

I thought about posting it here but then that didn't seem all that kind to the writer.  Let's just say that it became apparent to me that more information needs to be shared so that ALL those who come here to read my thoughts will have a clear picture of what my motives were as I wrote my last blog post.

Here I am.  I'm 54 years old and that's not to be taken lightly.  After being raised in a SEVERALLY abusive home; suffering repeated miscarriages; surviving several bouts with cancer; and trying to farm in a desert, I completely fell apart 6 years ago.

Robert took me to 4 doctors, including a neurologist, and not one of them could figure out why I had a freight train running through my head.  I was also so dizzy that I couldn't walk without a family member's arm to support me; my head bobbed like it would fall off; AND it felt like someone was holding a hot iron to my neck.

In the Fall of '06 Robert took me to a health center where I lay for 18 days trying to regain my strength.  While there, an angel came to me and whispered in my ear that what I had was internal shingles on my brain.  This was when we started bee venom therapy.  That's right--bee stings in my head and neck.  When this helped, I was able to return home with a jar of Bartlett bees and the promise that Cora would give me the needed bee stings every day.

750 bee stings later, I found BodyTalk and I was able to stop the bee venom therapy because the BodyTalk began to heal the extensive nerve damage in my neck where the shingles had burnt the nerve endings. 

For you BodyTalkers out there, I did Access twice a day for 6 weeks.  I also did cortices up to 20 times a day as needed; and I began in-depth sessions with Elizabeth Hanson.  This not only healed me physically but it also got rid of the belief systems that I was a hopeless victim who just had to take everything that anyone chose to dump on me. 

However, to this day, if I do not do ALL that I can to eliminate stress from my life, I suffer.  What does that mean?  Well, it starts in my shoulders.  It feels as though someone has taken a vice grip to my shoulders and is starting to squeeze.  If I don't back off from stress-full activities and thoughts then, and go and take care of myself, then the pain goes up into my neck.

 If I ignore the pain at this level, and pretend that I can handle everything that everyone tries to dump on me, THEN the pain goes up into my head.  This really is to be avoided at all costs.  When this happens, the freight train starts rumbling through my head again and the pain radiates all the way down my spine.  My head starts to bob slightly and I start to get dizzy again.  All kinds of horrible memories start to surface and I am back to being bedridden.  This has only happened twice since my illness--once was when my mother died unexpectedly and the other time was when I was dealing with cancer.

What I'm saying here is that I KNOW the pain can and will and does come back if I allow myself to get emotionally overwhelmed.  I've often read about people not surviving a second bought of a threatening illness.  It could literally kill me if I get too emotionally drained--like DEAD, like buried in the cemetery!!!

Now, because of all that I've been through, I care so very much for the hurting.  It is VERY draining for me to have someone that I love suffer.  That's why I'm so thrilled to be able to help my family with all of the skills that I have gained in the past 5 years.  That's why I am so very happy when my friends come in to me for BodyTalk sessions.  I know how much BodyTalk has helped me and I want everyone to have this wonderful health care modality in their lives.

 The truth is that I have a very, very tender spot in my heart for ANYONE who is hurting.  The truth is that I very much wish to be used by God to help folks to not suffer needlessly.  This has been the way my heart has been since I was a child.  This is WHY I found myself on my deathbed at the age of 48.  I had never smoked; done drugs including alcohol; I had lived a clean life and STILL I was dying.  WHY?  It was because the sorrow of not being able to help those around me was so great I just couldn't stand it.  I simply could not take seeing all of the endless pain around me and I wore out. 

Now that I have BodyTalk, this has intensified.  Now I have a tool that saved my life.  Now I know the same techniques that Elizabeth used to help me get through those months of agony as I fought for my life.  To have this tool, and to be prevented from using it, is an even GREATER pain than not knowing what to do to help someone was.  It's like having a life preserver with which to help a drowning person.  I throw it out there but the person who sees it coming refuses to grab onto it.  Instead they DROWN in their sorrows--like literally DEAD!!  This was even the case with my own mother!!!!!!!!!!!

 Sometimes I just cannot bear the grief and pain of attending the funeral in this type of situation. Although it hurts me to see the suffering of those around me--it nearly breaks my heart to have them refuse my offer of help.  If it is more harmful then for me to go to a funeral, in such a situation, I need to have enough self worth and common sense to say, "No, I'm going to stay home and take care of myself."

 After all it is not MY fault that they chose to die without accepting my offer of help--many times it's even been an offer of FREE help.  I just cannot see charging someone for emergency care and I have repeatedly offered free sessions for clients who found themselves in the emergency room.  How could I charge someone when they are so desperate?  I know what it's like to be so desperate for help that I would have given ANYTHING to have some hope of help. 

 What makes a person this desperate refuse my offer of help?  I just cannot even begin to grasp what the underlying belief system must be!  My mind cannot wrap itself around facing death and not exploring ALL options of help.  Why would a person do this???  I mean, I didn't set out to have 750 bee stings in my head and neck but it was the only thing keeping me alive.  It wasn't pleasant to put my head on the pillow every day waiting for the stings to enter my skin.  I didn't look forward to doing it but it took down the inflammation in my neck for a little while so I did it.  It worked.  It kept me alive long enough until I found BodyTalk.  I did that, too, in an attempt to keep living and here I am 6 years later................

Sometimes I think about what it must be like for the Lord when I (or others) refuse His help.  I cannot even begin to understand the pain and suffering He must go through to have to watch all of us proud, selfish, hateful, ignorant humans rush about on this planet and ignore His love, help, and salvation.  I mean, He is GOD, who truly DOES have ALL of the answers that we need, and we act as if we don't need HIS help.  Thinking about the sorrow I/we must cause Him at times, makes it easier for me to bear this type of rejection, but it's never easy to bury someone whom I may have been able to help if given the chance.

 I am writing to apologize for sounding a bit angry and frustrated in my last post.  However, it really was the grief and pain that I was experiencing for my brother and for LV that motivated it. My refusing to attend a funeral was not said in spite or pride but in an act of self preservation as I simply cannot bear the pain and grief of people dying or suffering needlessly.  BodyTalk can't save us from death (we're all going to die) but it does stop pain and ease fears.  I KNOW that it would have helped LV have a less complicated surgery as it has been doing that all around the globe for 15 years now.  This knowledge is what caused me the distress that poured out in my last blog post.

I also would like to share that, "Anonymous" seemed very much like he/she was condemning me.  I have written here many times recently about Pastor Prince's teachings on this.  After a lifetime of living under condemnation, I praise God for bringing me to Pastor Prince to learn about how God truly views me.  I would urge Anonymous, and everyone really, to go to www.josephprince.org and subscribe to his daily email. 

Every morning, when I read Pastor Prince's thoughts on grace, I find myself looking at myself in a new light.  I truly AM beloved of God.  Being God loves me so much that He sent His only son to die for me on the cross, I have to ask myself, "What's the big deal?"  Why is it so hard for me to love myself?  Why is it so hard for me to put all of my failures under the blood of Christ?

The only answer I find when I go seeking for the answer to that one is my very old belief system that I don't DESERVE His love.  I'm not good enough for His love.  I have to try to earn his love and favor--as if I ever could.


That's it, then, folks.  Even though I could never do anything to earn God's love, He gives it to me anyway.  Even though I myself have condemned myself constantly for as long as I can remember, just like Anonymous did, it's time to stop.  It's time for me to stop taking in other's condemnation of me and say, "Hey, do you REALLY know what I was going through when I wrote my last blog post?"  Do you REALLY?

My prayer is that you, Anonymous, will begin reading Pastor Prince's daily meditations too.  It will free you from self condemnation and bring you into grace.  Once you stop condemning yourself, and start living under grace, THEN you will truly be a blessing to all those around you whom you seek to comfort.  Otherwise, I would urge you to try to grasp that your comments were NOT a blessing to me at all!  This is not meant to condemn you but rather to point you in the freeing direction of living under God's abundant grace.  Please forgive me if it feels like condemnation.  I certainly know what that feels like and would not wish that on anyone!

For freedom,

Dawn 

Monday, July 9, 2012

I just can't take it today!

My other post about the weekend was the positive aspects.  Truthfully I've been going crazy all weekend.  My sister in law has known for several weeks that she was facing open heart surgery.  Immediately I offered her a free session to help her through the surgery.  Actually I offered her a free session last Winter when she wasn't feeling the best also.  BOTH WERE REFUSED.

I've been talking to my brother all weekend and it's not a pretty picture.  LV died twice during the 7 1/2 hour surgery.  They had to go in and do another surgery today.

In my frustration on the phone a few minutes ago, I said to my brother, "Oh, I wish that she would let me work on her."

He said, "Yeah well, if the doctors can't help her, I'm sure that YOU can't."

Then I got mad and I sad, "Four doctors couldn't help me when I was dying.  Besides, doctors don't know about health--just about sickness."

Then he said, "OK- goodbye" and hung up. 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  The frustration of being able to help people and being kept from it because of stupid ignorance--it's unbearable at times!!!!!!!!!! 

Well, I intend to keep my promise to myself.  I vowed to me that I will never go to the funeral of someone that I offered to help but was forbidden to do so.  I can refuse too!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please pray for me now as I helplessly sit here and wait for the only person that my brother has ever loved to die!

Dawn

Be strong in the Lord

I'm back from Canada with such peace that I have never imagined possible.  Before I left to take the MindScape class, God told me that this class would be different from any that I have ever taken.  He assured me that traveling to the inside of me would NOT be terrifying but would be a wonderful adventure.  He was right--but then, He IS God!

Pastor Prince's words this morning were a perfect beginning to my new life.  They WILL bless you if you take the time to ponder them carefully.  Ah, go on, give it a whirl. 

I also urge you to meet my instructor, Chantelle Rodgers, by visiting her website here: http://www.bodytalkpa.ca  What a gentle soul Chantelle is and I am so very, very, very, very, very happy that I took her class.


Pictures to follow,

Dawn


Your Words Carry Power!
Ecclesiastes 8:4
4
Where the word of a king is, there is power…

In Bible times, a king’s word carried tremendous power. What he decreed would come to pass. It would be done. For example, if he said, “Raise the taxes,” the taxes would be raised.

Do you know that we are kings? The Bible tells us that Jesus has washed us from our sins with His blood and made us kings. (Revelation 1:5–6) And as kings in Christ, our words carry power too.

When we place our hands on a sick person and say, “Be healed,” the person is healed. When we lay hands on our children and say, “Be blessed,” our children are blessed. There is power in our words because they are the words of kings!

When I was a young Christian in my teens, I wanted to practice what I had learnt about the power of my words. There was this particular plant near my home and whenever I passed by it, I would say to it, “Be cursed in Jesus’ name!”

Many days passed. And I will never forget the day when I noticed that the leaves of the plant had turned brown! You may want to try this at home with your potted plants, but bless them instead!

Since our words carry power, can you imagine the harm we do when we say to our loved ones things like, “You are always so careless”, “You are good for nothing” or “You are so stupid”? We are cursing them!

The devil is happy when you use the power of your words against yourself and your loved ones. He wants to see you defeated. So instead of saying, “I am always short of money,” say, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” (Psalm 23:1) Instead of saying, “I am so useless. I can’t do anything,” start saying, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

Beloved, remember that as a king, what you say will come to pass because where the word of a king is, there is power. So learn to say what God says about you in His Word and see His promises come to pass in your life!


Thursday, July 5, 2012

Obey or cower in fear?

I had a big decision to make this morning.  The Lord has paved the way for me to take a class this weekend that I have not ever given much thought to taking.  I know that Elizabeth has spoken often of how she uses the information that she learned in this class to help solve probelms in her life EVERY day.  I don't know, maybe I LIKE living with my unsolved problems??????????

Then, when I checked into my finances, I found them to be sadly lacking for me to afford this class at this time.  Several clients owe me rather large amounts of money and I am more likely to give away my services to folks who can't afford them than to pursue folks who CAN.  Maybe I still have some "Lack" philosophy hanging around????????????????????

Anyway, I became assured that God truly DOES want me to take this class.  However, I have adopted Elizabeth's policy of not taking a class if the money isn't available to take it.  So, what to do?  Pray on my knees one more time for wisdom and for peace not to take the class.  After no peace came in this category, a new thought popped into my head.

"I know, I'll call Robert and ask his opinion," and I dialed his number.

"HMM," he said, "well, I can make the CP (car) payment this month if that will help."

I thought, "Every little bit helps," and went to check out my account balance. 

Then I decided to check if there is still room in the class so I called the class coordinator.  "Yes," she said, "there's still room."  Rosalie then talked me through the steps of registering at the last minute which, a year ago, I would have thought of as unthinkable.

I asked Jacob if he can cover me until I get paid and he said, "YES" and so I registered with still a small amount of trepidation as I do NOT like owing people money--even my own son.  However, ALL doubts faded when God had me read Pastor Prince's meditation on success.

Now, I love Pastor Prince's grace meditation and usually will not get out of bed in the morning without reading it on my iPod.  However, his success meditation rarely gets read as some part of me still seems disinterested in success.  It's taken a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time to stop thinking of myself as a loser in life--or even to have the desire to do so. ):

 With all of that said, I will share the words that showed me that it would be rebellion against God not to take the class for fear of lack of finances!  It's a fine line here, I know, but I am seeing that God's provision IS always there for me!!!  My constant insistence on looking for lack has kept me from grasping many an opportunity for personal growth which translates into my being unable to help more people. 

Oh God, please forgive me for this in the past and thank you for helping me work through this all this morning and GOD BLESS PASTOR PRINCE!  Please ponder these words today with me and may they bless you as they have me today!!!

I'm off for Canada tomorrow morning.  I covet all of your prayers for God to protect me as I travel and to learn all that He has for me to grasp both for my sake and for the sake of all my clients.  I pray that He richly blesses all of you who cover me with your prayers.  I LOVE YOU ALL!

Dawn

Meditate On


Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Don’t Let Fear Rob You Of Your Inheritance




Moses sent 12 spies into the promised land that God wanted the Israelites to inherit. Two of them, Joshua and Caleb, came back with a good report of the land, saying, “The land we passed through to spy out is an exceedingly good land…‘a land which flows with milk and honey.’ Only do not rebel against the Lord, nor fear the people of the land, for they are our bread; their protection has departed from them, and the Lord is with us. Do not fear them” (Numbers 14:7–9).

However, the other 10 spies gave a bad report, saying, “We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we…There we saw the giants…and we were like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight” (Numbers 13:31–33).

All 12 of them saw the same land, the same giants, but what a stark contrast in their reports! Joshua and Caleb had a different spirit—a spirit of faith (Numbers 14:24). They focused on the promises and goodness of God. But the rest cowered in fear and saw only the giants. And the fear paralyzed them!

My friend, today, no matter how dire your circumstances may appear, choose to focus on God’s goodness. Choose to meditate on how Christ has paid the price for you to enjoy God’s unmerited favor, peace, protection and provision. That’s how fear will not paralyze you. That’s how you experience God’s faithfulness and walk in His blessings!



Bailey is HERE!!!

  WE HAVE A DOG!!!  YAY.  Her name is Bailey and she's 3 years old.  She's a Yellow Labrador Retriever and we're in love already...