Is it easy?

Is it easy for you to follow Christ right now?  Is it the hardest time ever for you to believe that God works all things together for good to those who love Him?  Most of us are probably somewhere between those two extremes at all times--which is a blessing!

If life ever gets too easy, I start to wonder if I've slipped off the straight and narrow path recently.  Christ said that we would have persecutions but that He would be with us through them all and He meant it.

Even the hardest times of my life, I knew that I could pray to Him and He would help me in His way and in His time.  All the suicidal incest years, I knew that I wasn't alone.  I could feel Him near me during the worse violence against my little body.

All the miscarriage years, I knew that He had taken my wee ones to live with Him in Heaven.  They were the lucky ones!! I even heard them singing to me once--I think it was after my 11th miscarriage.

During the health challenges that have nearly taken me to Heaven on numerous occasions, He was ever so close to me.  Sometimes I felt him laying his cheek against mine as my daughter gave me  750 bee stings over a year's span to keep me living.

We all have our challenges.  We all watch our dreams die sooner or later.  What do we do then?  Do we give up and say, "God mustn't care about me after all?"  Do we reach out to someone we trust and share what we're really going through?  Do we trust that God has a purpose for our sufferings?  No, He doesn't send the suffering.  He's incapable of that.  HE HELPS US THROUGH THEM ALL!!!

Cora is gone and she's not coming back to be my neighbor just across the road--just over there.  This past year my Lord has spent countless hours trying to prepare me for this.  The gloom has been second only to that of shingles on the brain or 17 lost babies.  How come God let me love my grandbabies only to take them so far away?

I've heard it all before.  It's better than if they lived 2 days away.  It's better than the old days when there was no communication.  It's better than if they weren't saved!  I've even been told that it's good that they're leaving our neighborhood; our tea parties; our Bible studies; our family gatherings as little birdies are meant to leave the nest.  Of course, SHE has her little birdies at home for many years yet.  ):

To Robert and I, our dream died.  We worked like slaves for decades to provide an opportunity for our children to live near us and to partner with us in business.  We thought it was all as we had hoped!

So I went to Advanced Splankna training in Denver with a broken heart and it's still broken.  However, it's healing a little bit every week.  Now it's been almost a month since they left and we're adjusting.

I helped Cora a lot before they moved so she could pack.  When I wasn't feeling well or had my own supper to prepare, I went over and watched the babies so she could get some work done.  I told myself, "When they're not living here any more, I will have time to plant my garden and weed and restock the flower beds."  It bothered me to see the weeds growing but I wanted to soak up every moment that I had with my daughter and her sweet little girls.

So now, after people's gardens are well established, NOW I have time to put in my garden.  The Lord has been healing me as I dig in the dirt and water my seedlings.  Somehow He WILL make it beautiful here again.  He's even given me a vision of how beautiful it will be here later on!

This morning, then, I planted flowers around the mailbox.  That was always Cora's touch of home to our farm.  Before she left, she said, "Mom, could you at least plant flowers around the mailbox?"  I had said "Yes" but I had neither time nor flowers then.  Yesterday I remedied that!  I went to my friend, Shawn's, greenhouse and filled the trunk with flowers.  Now I have 2 yards to keep beautiful!

After the guys left for an auction sale at 9:00 sharp, and before I could feel sorry for myself that the farmstead across the road is sitting empty, I grabbed some purple and white petunias and headed across the road.  After digging out all the weeds growing there, I planted the flowers with great sadness that I alone would water them this Summer.

Then Summer started to sink into me.  The earth started to feel old and familiar and comforting again.  Then I started to sing.  I really haven't sung much since they moved away.  It's my nature to sing.  It's my gift to sing.  It's my joy to sing but I haven't been able to sing wholeheartedly since
May 25th, 2019 when Michael took his family back to the farm that he grew up on.

So this morning I sang softly at first and then with gusto as the Lord healed me a little bit of the vast emptiness in me.  I sang the same song over and over to the pretty blossoms all around me  "Beautiful, Beautiful, God's made you beautiful."  Suddenly I knew it was time to write again.

I tried to find that song on Youtube but couldn't.  Instead, I found this one and I think it also portrays how I'm feeling right now.  Our Lord is beautiful!  His world is beautiful!  His plan is beautiful even when I can't see it or feel it or touch it.

As long as I keep following Him, I am beautiful too.  SO ARE YOU!!

Please keep me in your prayers.  I wish I could say that I'm feeling lots better for writing this as I sometimes am.  However, I'm listening to this song as I write and I agree with the prayer sung here.  Lord please show me that you make ALL things beautiful in your time!

Still sad,

Dawn