SICK OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!

As a Christian I was taught to, "Take up your cross and follow me." As a victim I was taught to, "Keep your mouth shut and keep the peace." As a BodyTalker, I'm being taught to "Breathe deeply and let it all out." TALK ABOUT A CONTRAST!

This is a picture of what happens to someone who stuffs everything inside for 50 years. I KNOW that this is essential to my fully getting well, but I am down right sick of this!!!!! Just in case you're wondering, "YES," it does hurt to type with this finger, but then, I'm pretty good at ignoring my pain. After all, that's how I managed to give myself shingles on the brain in 2006.

In an earlier post I wrote about how the middle finger on my left hand got an infection from no apparent cause. This was 3 1/2 MONTHS ago. No matter what I did with herbs, supplements, or even with my personal BodyTalk sessions helped. The infection spread up the finger over the weeks. Later the skin started to peel from the fever in my finger.

Finally I broke down and went to Tone-Lise for BT sessions. She's had all of the modules, plus PaRama and so has more techniques to throw at this thing. She told me that Louise Hay's work indicates different emotions stored in different body parts (even more detailed than what we learned in Module 3).

Well, what a coincidence. The middle finger on the left hand just happens to store anger AND sexuality. Isn't it amazing that this infection in my finger just happened to start at the time that my BodyTalk sessions were taking me deep into the heart of the incest?

In my prayer time, the Lord showed me that I would need 3 sessions from TL to clear through the bulk of the garbage from the time when I was 4 years old and VERY unsafe. After the first session my body felt like it had been run over by a brick truck. After the second one 2 weeks later, I was so depressed I could have just died. After the third one, another 2 weeks later, (which was on Wednesday) I am suffering from both physical AND emotional pain. Yesterday afternoon I just gave up and spent the afternoon in the whirlpool doing Access and Reiki until I finally fell asleep.

I covet your prayers as this finger is driving me crazy. I'm trying to grasp in my mind the concept which TL says I need to somehow be able to come to terms with. It is this, "Even though my parents did not/do not accept me as I am, I CAN ACCEPT ME AS I AM!" I just don't know how to do it--maybe I'm blind or something. I was taught to honor and respect my parents. If they thought I was a second-class citizen, isn't it disrespectful of them for me to think otherwise???????????????????????

I really need help here. If you see something that I don't, PLEASE feel free to share it. In the meantime, I'll share these new pictures of my finger. As you can see, the line of inflammation is now almost up to the knuckle. The skin has peeled all the way up to this line.

What's "NEW AND IMPROVED" since Wednesday is that the finger has now broken out in little blisters. These itch like crazy and kept waking me up all last night. It's not a good picture but maybe you can see them if you look real close.

From the side view you can see the line where the "Good" skin ends and the "Bad" skin begins. Also you can see how red the irritated part is and the swelling in the finger.

This is the back view. You can see how the skin peeled off at an angle for some reason. Actually the back is healing a bit now, so that is a relief, but this new rash on the front is making up for it.

So that's the update on my poor middle finger on my left hand. I write this with the hope of helping people to see how closely the mind and the body are linked. There's a reason for everything that manifests as a problem in the body. Praise God that there is hope through prayer AND BodyTalk. I covet your prayers as I heal from the ugliest sin of them all.

I also am suffering in my heart because a good friend is suffering with so much pain and her husband has decided not to continue her BT sessions--even though they were helping her. SOMEHOW I AM GOING TO HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS TYPE OF TURMOIL OR GO BACK TO JUST USING BODYTALK ON MYSELF. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME TO FIND PEACE IN THIS STRUGGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I need a BodyTalk session.

Resting in Yahweh,

Dawn

Finding the Balance

Dear friends,

This morning my emotions are as tumultuous as the weather--AND WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BLIZZARD!!! You see, my family urged me to re-read my last post with an eye for what may seem like I was being critical of others. I could see it right away, when I re-read it and so I deleted the post immediately.

My goal in starting this blog never has been to be critical of others. If I have ever appeared that way to you, I beg your forgiveness!!! Those of you who REALLY know me know that, if I am critical of anyone, it is of MYSELF! I have a very strong melancholy personality and those of us with this disposition are very hard on ourselves. This tendency leads to such health problems as, for instance, shingles on our brains. I almost DIED of this tendency to be super-critical of myself and so I struggle daily to learn how to be kind to myself.

Furthermore, I would not ever discourage a person from seeking help through BodyTalk. Many of us have found our addictions fade away as we deal with the underlying issues which make us obsess in a certain area. Actually there is nobody walking the planet who isn't out of balance in some ways. I pray, then, that everyone who read yesterday's post will now understand that I was expressing a desire to be secure enough in myself so as to not allow others to abuse me.

I do realize that this will only happen when I stop abusing myself. At first it seemed like the right thing to do to delete that post which seemed critical of others. However, just minutes after I deleted the post, I received this comment on it. "What in the world are you saying to me, Lord," I prayed?

Dear Dawn: Jesus led me to your blog this morning; what a delight! Thank you for witnessing with such passion and joy. Sometimes I think healers can make the most difference in the subtlest ways....which attract those who are ready for transformation. Jesus doesn't SELL or ADVERTISE himself either...he just draws us to touch his robe. So, who is Cora? She is referenced twice...and I am clueless, and I didn't see a link to the blog of hers you reference.Your sister in Christ, Bethany Knightwww.tenderlovingcalling.blogspot.com

WOW--NOW WHAT DO I DO? I already deleted the post and don't have the heart or time to re-write it. Still, seeing as Jesus led this woman to read that blog post and to comment like this to encourage me, I felt led to share my real intention in writing yesterday.

I just want to say that I am healing and in no wise view myself as "There" yet. I sin (against myself too) and make mistakes every day for which I need to repent--just like everybody else. The joyful difference, though, of which I was writing yesterday is that I no longer feel like I need to disappear in order to please everybody.

In the program which I did years ago, called LOVE HUNGER, I learned that dysfunctional families don't allow their children to develop in the ways that God wants them to develop. They force the children to take roles so that all of the needs of the FAMILY can be met--even though this is not healthy for the children.

The four main roles are the black sheep; the hero; the family clown; and the lost child. The black sheep is forced to take the blame for ALL of the problems in the family. The hero can do no wrong, which is a lie as we're all sinners. The family clown is expected to be humorous at all times--even though great sorrows surround them. The lost child, which is the role that I played, is the one who bears the shame of the family. They're taught to keep their mouth shut to keep the family shame from being exposed.

This blog was begun over a year ago as my way of coming into being as a person. I no longer am willing to keep my mouth shut so that all of the takers of this world can continue walking all over me. I have found in BodyTalk the release from the negativity which kept me in slavery to the silence. I have found the peace that God intended for me to have all of my life. I feel that this gives me some hope to share with the world. That's why I named my blog A RAY OF HOPE.

I can see now that the Lord wanted to encourage me this morning not to give up on this worthy goal. How loving and kind He was to bring Bethany here today, for the very first time, and have her write what she did!!! Thank you so much Bethany and may God bless you richly for your obedience!!!

Still, I would not use this spot in cyberspace to harm anybody. So it is that I named this post FINDING THE BALANCE. I guess for the rest of my life I will be working towards finding the balance between protecting myself from the rejection and abuses of others while I am busily working to offer others the hope that I have found in God's natural ways of healing. If any of you have learned ways of accomplishing this, I would be grateful to hear your insights.

Now to answer your question about Cora, Bethany. Cora is my lovely 22-year-old daughter who lives with us here on our organic farm. Her blog is named: Maiden in the House of God, and I am sure that you would enjoy reading about our doings here on the farm. She writes daily of our family activities while I write more about my attempts to bring healing to those whom the Lord leads to me. The Lord led me to BodyTalk 2 years ago as I struggled to survive from shingles on my brain which began in 2006. I praise God that He is healing me daily and leading me to the place of peace that He has for ALL of His children--which is everybody on this planet.

Thanks to all for listening and I covet your prayers for my continued healing and growth. As I've been studying my Module 3 material, I am reminded that I can only help people as far as I have gone myself. So, like Paul, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. " Philippians 3:14