Day 4 of the Master Cleanse

I don't have much time to write, as I should be heading out to the barn, but I wanted to write a little something about today. First of all, I highly recommend getting a friend to do the cleanse with. I don't have someone on the cleanse with me this time, but my friend Ellen and I are writing every day for a month to remind each other to balance our amygdalas. The amygdala is the part of the brain that stores fear. I learned in the Advanced BT class last summer that, when a person lives in fear for a long time, the amygdala starts short-circuiting the brain. Instead of letting messages go to the cortex for processing, which would bring reason to one's reactions, it grabs the message and says, "Hey, you're in trouble lady. Better move into fight or flight response or they're going to get you." Well, this compounds the problem of exhausted adrenal glands and cortisol buildup. You may not even be in any danger but someone said something or you read something that made you think you were. This pattern can be deadly as I learned in my battle against shingles on my brain. (I know that I mention often that I almost died in '06, but I want newcomers to put things into this context too.) Anyway, thanks Ellen for being such a special friend--you seem just like a sister to me. It's about time that I got one!!!
Dr. Veltheim, the founder of BodyTalk, has learned a process to balance the amygdala so that it stops doing that!!! This is very important for everybody's health but especially those who have had shingles as shingles are brought on by stress. So Ellen is emailing me every day and checking if I've done it yet. This is sooooooo wonderful while I'm on the cleanse as it is a picker upper. I also pointed this out for other's sakes because it may help you to get through the cleanse easier too. Feel free to email if you have any questions about how to balance your amygdala. I'd be happy to share this simple procedure with you but you have to commit doing it for 30 days or it's not going to make a lasting change. After 30 days, one can look for a more relaxed approach to life which will be good for all aspects of health. Just thought I'd mention it!!
So today was a little better than yesterday, but I still was nervous. That's the best word that I can give it--not really anxious but certainly not calm either. I was grumpy AGAIN and begged forgiveness AGAIN. I felt cold today, and it's nice and warm in here, so I'm thinking it's from the cleanse. My tongue feels like it's 2 inches thick and stuck to my mouth. I had a hard time teaching today because I kept thinking that I was half asleep but my sons were patient--most of the time.
All in all, I had to do quite a bit of reminding myself that I am going to feel GREAT in a week. I AM GOING TO STICK IT OUT, NO MATTER, WHAT BECAUSE I KNOW THAT GOD WANTS ME TO DO THIS!! I want me to do this too as, from what I've read, it does hold a glimmer of hope that I may actually be pain-free someday. Many people who have gone before me have recovered from serious illnesses by doing the master cleanse and I WILL TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 3 of the Master Cleanse

Several people have written that the first 3 days are the most difficult on the cleanse because so many toxins are released that have been stored in the body for many years. THEY WERE RIGHT!!! Day 1 and day 2 were ok but day 3, yesterday, was a challenge. In fact I just needed to apologize to my children for being so grumpy yesterday. They, being the wonderful people that they are, forgave me willingly. Then, when I asked them if I should read a book during meals so that I don't have to sit and watch them eat, Cora said, "Go blog." She knew that I very imperfectly missed writing yesterday, because I didn't feel up to it, and that I want to write about day 3 even though it is late. HOW DREADFUL THAT I DIDN'T DO IT ON THE "RIGHT" DAY!!! Can you see how this perfectionism drove me to shingles on my brain??????????????
Well this is how it was. I was a bit groggy--not really dizzy but not right in the brain either. People bugged me and I just ached. I haven't been taking any supplements during the cleanse, which is recommended, so I started having a hot flash as I was without the Vitex (chaste tree berry). I did some BodyTalk and learned that I needed to take it because the cleanse and menopause at the same time were just too much for me. After 4 Vitex capsules, that settled down but I couldn't concentrate during school. Finally I just let the boys off and went into the whirlpool for a few hours.
What a miracle worker a whirlpool is. I HIGHLY recommend anyone who has a chronic disease condition to get one--especially if any nerve damage is involved. It soothes the nerve endings better than pain releavers and the stress reduction helps get at the root of the problem. We just plain have too much stress out here in the country. I know that many people view the country life as rest and relaxation at all times. In '06, when I was dying, my brother told my mother that he couldn't understand what was wrong with me. He said, "She lives in the country--how can she have any stress?"
Well, maybe this isn't the right time to get into this, because I find myself highly emotional on the cleanse (even more than normal), but the family farm has been under attack for decades. It's going to take the city people realizing that us country people need them to buy their food from us directly, if it will survive. I'll say more about that when I am done cleansing, I'm sure, but maybe it will get some folks thinking if anybody ever reads this.
I finished yesterday talking to a new BodyTalk client who had her first session with me on Sunday. I wanted to see how she was feeling and she made me ever so happy. She has seen remarkable improvements in her life after only one session. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!
Sometimes I get down about all of the pain; and all of the work; and all of the government intervention in our lives. However, when I think about how I am now able to help people to regain their health and their lives through BodyTalk, I am VERY glad that I didn't die in '06. I'm sorry to be so morbid today but I suppose that it is because of all of the toxins that are being released through this cleanse. Many morbid things have happened to me in my life. I am glad to finally be able to release the affects of them and go on to happiness.
Until tomorrow.

Day 2 of the Master Cleanse

This is sweet, little Shasta. She was born about 3 weeks ago on a bitter, cold night. Robert brought her to the calf barn in the bucket of the loader tractor and we weren't sure if she'd make it or not. We gave her some colostrum, just in case she had been too cold to drink from her mama. The next day she was up and drank with gusto. Shasta is the kind of critter who captures your heart minutes after you meet her. However, as all of the pens were full of bigger calves who would push her around, we left her in the middle of the barn. This means that she can come up behind us while we feed the other calves. She is a REAL PEST as she butts us and begs for her bottle. In the winter, Cora and I both wear long, woolen skirts over our regular skirts. Sometimes she pushes her head between our legs and we lock her in our headgates--in between our legs. This leaves her head covered up with our long skirts. I don't know if you know this or not but, when you cover an animals eyes, they go into a trance and freeze. It works great when you're working calves and so we subdue our little Shasta. I'll be writing about Shasta from time to time but the next critter I'll feature is Mabel who has been in the hospital for about 2 weeks. I'll have to get her picture first, though, so that will have to wait.

Now here's the news about day 2 of the Master cleanse, also called the Lemonade diet. It was a little harder day today because I was around the house and smelling food cooking. God bless Cora who has taken over most of the cooking for these 10 days!!! Still, I am determined to stick this out because I see it as something that God has led me to. He will make it possible to complete that which He has called me to. That reminds me of a special song called, "God will make a way when there seems to be no way." Anyway I wasn't really hungry, as long as I kept the lemonade nearby, but I felt a little more achy than usual. This is normal for the cleanse because so many toxins are being released. I think it's worth it because I've read that many people, who have been very ill, can't get well any other way than cleansing out the poisons with this cleanse. The master cleanse washes ALL of the body, instead of targeting a certain organ. After the 10 days, one needs to wait 2 months before you can do it again. People can do it over and over until total wellness has been achieved. What this means is that it IS possible for me to recover completely from the shingles on my brain. IT GIVES ME HOPE AND SO I PRESS ON!!

On a lighter note, I asked Cora if I might post her newest poem that she wrote the other day It's about our new dog, Millie. We have never had such a hyper dog before so I thought that it was quite cute. Quite clever Cora. I'll write tomorrow night with the update on day 3. Many people have said that it's the hardest day of all but why should I go into it thinking that way? There is one thing I think I'll enjoy about not eating solid food for 10 days--I get to write during supper time so hopefully this will be a blessing to SOMEBODY!!! If not, at least it takes my mind off of my family happily munching beside me. :)

Millie is a pain you see,

She never likes obeying me.

She has a mind all of her own,

She's always in my comfort zone.

She pesters goats and thinks it's play,

She never lets cats have their way.

She chews our shovels, boots, and rugs,

She'd likely pester Bombie bugs!

Yet, we love her very much,

We feed her milk and bones and such,

Perhaps we'll grieve when she grows up,

But for now, she's still all pup!

Day 1 of the Master Cleanse

What a glorious day my first day on the cleanse was. I got to go to Bismarck ALL BY MYSELF!!!
After delivering 2 quarters of our organic beef to friends, I got the most incredible BodyTalk session I have ever had from my practitioner, Elizabeth Hanson. My dear friend, Ellen Schultz, was there too which turned out to be a blessing as I went into anaphalixis again. I didn't need the epipen or even the cayenne--the session took care of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The session even went into cellular repair to deal with the anaphalixis tendency that I have acquired over time. Now I have faith that it will be the LAST TIME THAT I WILL EXPERIENCE THAT VERY FEARFUL EVENT!!! I should note here that the anaphalxis was from the emotions that I experienced earlier in the session that were stirred up from the abuses of my childhood.
After things settled down, I went to the BodyTalk practice and met some new people and learned new concepts which will make me an even better practitioner. Totally neat is that Ellen had brought some of our summer sausage along for supper, which she set out to share with the group as she hadn't had time to eat her supper because my session was quite long. Out of that experience, I think we'll sell another quarter of our wonderful beef. :)
Best of all was that I only drank the lemonade all day and I felt great!!! Whenever I got hungry, I just drank another sip and my blood sugars stayed level all day. I got home at 10:30; had prayer with my family; and was too excited to drift off to sleep right away as I realized, at yet a deeper level, the wonderful tool the Lord has given to me to help others recover from the streses in their lives. PRAISE THE LORD FOR BODYTALK FOR I KNOW THAT I WOULDN'T BE HERE TO WRITE THIS BLOG AND TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS IF HE HADN'T BROUGHT IT INTO MY LIFE!!! I pray that all you who come here and read this will consider adding BodyTalk to the list of alternative health options that you are considering. PLEASE go to the International Body Talk website or the ND one, by goggling Body Talk, and find a practitioner near you. Chances are either they, or a loved one, have come to BT through a major illness or trauma and have an interesting story to tell you of their own. Feel free to call me, if you are in my neck of the woods, as I would be ever so happy to help you as Elizabeth has helped me. :)

New Year's resolutions

How can it be that January is almost over and I haven't written to wish everyone a Happy New Year yet? First we had the flue; then we were dealing with sick calves because of the temperature fluctuations; and now we're trying to hit the books more seriously. We've set Andrew's graduation date for June 8th, so that is incentive to get moving big time. Then too, we always have the milking to contend with.

We had a surprise right before the new year started. It wasn't really a surprise because we kind of had our suspicions, but we were guaranteed, "Almost 100%" that the last 3 goats we bought were not bred. This is a picture of Jed Clamp-it which proves one must be 100% positive of such things when you live in ND. The mother had triplets, 2 of which froze. We took Jed into the house and he lived in the kitchen for 2 weeks. After that we could leave him with his mama during the days. Now at night we put him, and the other kid we inherited out of the deal, in a dog kennel in the milk room so the house is quiet again and smells a lot better too. Still, I miss my baby. Look at those wonderful Nubian ears!



I made 3 New Year's resolutions this year. The first may seem like one big DAH to you all, but it's been growing in my mind for awhile. You see, I've always had a heart of compassion for the underdogs of life. I absolutely cannot tolerate anyone being cruel to another person for any reason. Yet I have seen recently, that I have been terribly cruel to myself in many ways. I was abused as a child and I guess I thought that is how I should be treated. Although the years of recovery work have taught me to defend myself from the attacks of others, I couldn't see that I was more cruel to myself than anyone in my life now.
Last Fall I shared a very special day with some friends when the Lord showed me clearly how it hurt Him when I am cruel to myself. I had never thought of it like that before. I had never thought that God would be wounded by my self-abuse. It made me weap before His throne and , after I repented, my mind opened to the possibility that perhaps He wants me to be as kind to myself as I am to everybody else. I have been more observant of this now and have made it my resolution to treat myself as sweetly as I treat everybody else. This is resolution number 1 and it has led to much happiness in my life. :)
Resolution # 2 has to do with the farm. For a long time I've wanted to post a sort of diary about our farm activities. Years ago a friend told us that one of the biggest money makers for rural people to consider is offering city people a chance to come to the farm and see what it's really like to care for animals; to till the soil; and to produce your own food. Our friend had a travel-agent friend who was looking for farmers who would do this. The agency was charging each family member $1,000 a week to go out and work on the farms. We had pondered it at the time but decided not to get involved while our children were so young and impressionable. Still, just knowing that many city people would like to have contact with farmers has made me want to do something to help them.
I figured if I could write a journal of our activities, maybe folks could feel a little closer to the land. I wondered how to do this long before I started this blog and now I have the avenue here. I decided to track the life of this adorable little calf who is living in the barn right now. I will tell you about her, as we go along, and you can get a picture of how long it takes a critter to mature and how her personality develops. Oh yes, they all have their own personalities.
Actually we have 3 calves in the middle section of the barn which is considered the hospital.
The first is Mabel who almost died with something called nervous coccidiosis. She's big, weighing in at about 400 pounds and is looking like she may pull through. Secondly is Daisy who weighs about 250 pounds and was pulled off of a stock cow when she got sick with pneumonia. Lastly is this sweet little girl calf, called a heifer, who was born on a bitter cold night not long ago. When choosing her name, I considered my favorite flower bed blossoms--Shasta daisies. So her name is Shasta and she is a heart-breaker. I will post her picture soon and I will tell you about her antics so that you too can fall in love with this little princess.
So my second new year's resolution is to keep you folks up-to-date about farm life by tracking
activities through Shasta's eyes. By focusing on one animal, it will be easier for me to keep up with this goal of sharing the country life with those who aren't so fortunate as to be living out here in the great outdoors.
My 3rd New Year's resolution has to do with this perfectionism that rules my life. I am a melancholy/sanguine cross disposition. The melancholy must have things perfect while the sanguine just wants to be with people. This has translated in my life to mean that I think I must be perfect when I am with people--and when I am not. That's a big part of the reason that I developed shingles on my brain in 2006. I think that I mentioned this tendency in my first post.
It's so hard for me to just sit down here and write without editing everything as I go along because wouldn't it be terrible if I were to misspell a word or leave out a comma or mix my tenses? That is probably why it's January 25th and I still haven't written to wish everyone all of God's best in the New Year. Cora helped me with this today though.
I told her that I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS WRITING TODAY!!!!!!!!!!! She said, "Mom, want a tip? If you would just feel free to sit down and just write a little post, instead of thinking that it has to be a book, perhaps you would be able to keep up with it better." DAH AGAIN!!!
But I have so much that I want to say and it has to be PERFECT!!!
So I'm going to combine all of these thoughts now and, when I do, I come up with this. I don't have to be perfect, because I'm not anyway, so I'll be kind to myself and just write a little bit as the inspiration comes up. If things aren't worded perfectly, please forgive me. This blog is supposed to be therapy for me and not just one more burden.
So there, I've fessed up and I feel better. Now that I've learned how to put pictures on, things should be more interesting for you.
The last thing that I want to talk about has to do with my newest attempts to get back to wellness. The Lord has led me to a program called THE MASTER CLEANSE. It's also been called the lemonade diet. I'm starting tomorrow and I would like all of your prayers to be strong in my convictions to stay on it for 10 days. Many people have found it to be the only way to get completely well after a major illness. You can get the details by goggling MASTER CLEANSE.
The author of the book I read recommended blogging during the 10 days to encourage others to pursue this detoxification process. And so I will share with you my experiences each day of the cleanse. Now that is my goal and perfection demands that I do it every day. However, I know now that it probably won't happen every day. So I shall be kind to myself and say that I will write when I can.
Thanks for all of your support and I covet your prayers as I continue my recovery from shingles on my brain.

A Christmas birthday--a blessing?

Yes, today is my birthday. I turned 51 years old at 12:51 PM this afternoon. I have time to post tonight as we always get chores off around here on our birthday. I was pondering what to write about when the old nagging ache showed up again. Do you have any idea what it is like to be born on Christmas day (or even near it as others have confirmed)?
For as long as I can remember, people have made a big deal out of my being born on Christmas Day, but not the kind of big deal you may be thinking of. Starting on day 1, when old Doc Mac had to miss his Christmas lunch because of me, I got the impression that I was a nuisance for picking that time to be born. Could I really help it?
I can recall the many times that it was too much of a bother to make a birthday cake for me because, after all, there were 2 dozen types of Christmas cookies and why wasn't that enough sweets?
I can recall my grandparents giving me this wonderful, brand-new radio for my 13th birthday/Christmas gift combined. I felt so grown-up to have my own radio and, after all, I didn't know the value of things very well. However, when my brother got the very same radio in July, plus his Christmas gift in December, I started to wonder if maybe I hadn't gotten jipped just a little. That was the first time I had ever pondered my worth and the "Joy"of being a "Christmas baby."
Then take my name. How many times did I hear my mom say, "People thought that I should name my Christmas baby "Carol" or "Holly" or "Joy" or "Noel," but I just wanted a "Dawn." Did she really? Why did she say that a million times if she was really happy with the name that she had given me? I happen to like the name "Holly" very much. I'm wondering if I would have liked the name "Dawn" better if I had been born at some other time of the year?
Then too, I recall my aunts coming to our house for Christmas dinner and my mom pointing out to them that it was "Dawn's birthday." How I didn't cringe before the words were out of their mouths. "Oh Dawn, I'm so sorry, but with all of the hussle and bussle of Christmas I clear forgot all about your birthday." Every year it was the same thing. How I learned to hate my birthday as it was an annual reminder that I wasn't worth remembering to make special. I never would have expected a gift or anything from my relatives but, just one time, couldn't SOMEONE have come through the door with a "Happy birthday Dawn" on their lips? After all, they'd known me all of my life--it shouldn't be that hard to remember.
As I aged, I started to get a kick out of people's reactions to my birthdate. You have to give everyone your birthdate if you write a check in the city. Invariably the clerk will smile as she writes down 12/25 and then the year. Hundreds of times clerks have commented, "A Christmas baby." GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR--I'M NOT A BABY ANY MORE AND IT DIDN'T DO ME A BIT OF GOOD WHEN I WAS ONE!!!!!!!
One time I didn't mind it though. The children and I were on our way to a wedding in SD, and I was late. Oh for Pete's sake--here comes the highway patrol.
"You're going a bit too fast Maam," he said gruffly.
He took my license; ran his check; and then came back smiling back to the car.
"Well Maam, I see that you have the same problem that my son has."
"What's that?" I asked puzzled, hoping that he'd hurry up.
"You're born on Christmas day."
"OH YEAH," I groaned, "What fun."
"He doesn't like it either. Well, keep it under the speed limit from now on. This is just a warning."
I smiled; took my wallet; watched him walk back to his car; took off; and said a prayer for his poor son. At least HE had an understanding Dad.
In the past few years, a new awakening has come over me, though, and this is what I'd like to share with you. After we moved here to this farm, one of the neighbors found out that I was born on Christmas day. She made a big deal out of it. "YOU'RE BORN ON THE VERY SAME DAY AS THE LORD WAS!!! IT'S A SIGN THAT YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL PERSON, DAWN!!!"
Oh bother. If I'm such a special person, then why didn't any of my family or relatives (Uncle David excluded) know about it all of my growing up years?
But she planted a new seed in my mind, about my birthday, and it's been growing. After all, the birthdays in these later years have been very pleasant. Also, Robert proposed to me on my 22nd birthday--December 25, 1979. So it can't be ALL bad, right?
Well, I thought that I'd tell you about what happened today that has made my lean more towards the Christmas birthday=blessing side rather than Christmas birthday=curse side of thinking.
This is what happened. There is this movie that I have been trying to find for a long time now. We saw it years ago and I've never been able to get it out of my mind. I thought I'd like the children to see it but, last year when we found it on Ebay it was over $30. Well, today my daughter, Cora, gave it to me for my birthday and I just gasped. "You didn't spend $30 for this I hope."
She smiled and said, "No, I waited until summer and it wasn't much at all." What a great shopper she is!!!
So we just finished watching it and it was as fantastic as I remembered and I share the name of it with you with my highest recommendation although small children probably would be frightened by it. It's called MIRACLE IN THE WILDERNESS. It's an incredable story about how the story of Christ's birth saved our hero and his wife from a dreadful future.
Well as I watched it, I heard the story with a new light as it was told in the setting of the Native American culture. All of a sudden I realized, with a deeper meaning, the absolute miracle it was that GOD CAME DOWN TO EARTH AS A BABY. Watching the Native Americans reaction to the story the first time that they heard it made it fresh and exciting to me. Suddenly I realized how precious the birth of Christ REALLY IS.
The most wonderful part of the story is how the love of this Christian woman for her husband changed his life, not to mention the love of God touching the cheif's heart in a powerful way. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess what? Tonight, for the first time that I can remember, I am NOT ANGRY that I am born on Christmas day. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just maybe, Ann was right and it really is an honor to be born on the day that the world acknowledges Christ's birth. Just maybe........
I share a special song too as I think of all of this. It's called AND CAN IT BE. I suggest that you get out a hymnal and read the words as you think of Christ's coming to earth. Why would He leave Heaven to come down here with us? Why indeed? So, I guess if He wanted me to born on Christmas Day, maybe it's time for me to get over my bad attitude about it and just be happy that I'm here at all.
Still if you do happen to know somebody who is born on Christmas day, maybe you can try going out of your way to make them feel extra special on their birthday. Why? because they're really more special than anyone else? No, but just maybe they have had a lifetime of disappoitments on their birthday like I did and just maybe they could use a little extra pampering to help them to realize how special they really are.

Full of Beauty

I've always felt like the ugly duckling. I suppose it came from the abuses I endured in my childhood. In fact, when I was a teenager, my favorite song was Janice Ian's AT SEVENTEEN where she sang about how it felt to be an ugly girl in the school system. This time of year it's worse than at other times and I finally understand why. Now I think it's because it's the holiday season and that's when this event occurred.
In my senior year of high school, all of us girls were ordered to try out for the Snow Queen beauty contest. Prior to this, participation had been optional but now, with the school size diminishing, all of us girls were told that we HAD to participate. It was a low blow as I knew that I didn't have a chance in the world at winning the title of "Miss Eureka." How humbling it was to have to go through the motions of acting excited, like the pretty girls were doing, when all of the time I felt so ugly that I knew no judge in their right mind would ever choose me. Still, my folks bought me a dress and acted happy about the "Honor."
The only way that I got through it at all was that the Lord sent my uncle David home for Thanksgiving that year. He was always such a nut about me--looking at the internal beauty, you see. So he kept calling me, "Miss Eureka," the hours before the event and I clung to the thought that SOMEBODY saw some beauty in me. Of course I didn't win and of course I knew that I deserved not to because of my great ugliness. For years after that, though, Uncle David would call me "Miss Eureka," when he was home from Wisconsin, and I smile to this day remembering what he did for this ugly duckling that night of the Snow Queen contest.
The concept of "My" beauty is something that I have always struggled with. I can recall a collage friend threatening me to end our friendship if I didn't quit insulting myself. I didn't believe her and suffered her cold shoulder for months until I apologized to her. Then she stood up for me at my wedding. The irony of the whole thing is that she is somebody that I think is absolutely beautiful but Robert sees nothing of great beauty in her. So what is beauty? Well, this answer came to me the other day and I share it with all of you ladies who ever had to endure the pressures of a beauty contest or just plain growing up with Barbies. May this bless you as much as it did me!!!
Several years ago some good friends gave us the book MORNING AND EVENING which is a collection of Charles Surgeon's writings. I highly recommend filling your mind with these deep thoughts every morning and evening. I have been uplifted many times when I was experiencing the lows of the Christian life in this weary, sin-filled world. Although I don't get around to it every day, sometimes I just feel the Lord urging me to read the passage for that day and it is exactly what I have been needing. Such was the case recently when I read the following thoughts. This is the December 3rd reading for the morning. I pray that it will bless you, as it did me, when you get discouraged with the seemingly lack of progress towards our Heavenly home. The Scripture verse is Song of Solomon 4:7 which reads: There is no spot in thee.

Having pronounced His church positively full of beauty, our Lord confirms His praise by a precious negative, "There is no spot in thee." As if the thought occurred to the Bridegroom that the carping world would insinuate that He had only mentioned her comely parts, and had purposely omitted those features which were deformed or defiled, He sums up all by declaring her universally and entirely fair, and utterly devoid of stain. A spot may soon be removed and is the very least things that can disfigure beauty, but even from this little blemish the believer is delivered in his Lord's sight. If He had said there is no hideous scar, no horrible deformity, no deadly ulcer, we might even then have marvelled, but when He testifies that she is free from the slightest spot, all these other forms of defilement are included, and the depths of wonder is increased. If He had but promised to remove all spots by and by, we should have had eternal reason for joy; but when He speaks of it as already done, who can restrain the most intense emotions of satisfaction and delight? O my soul, here is marrow and fatness for thee; eat thy full, and be satisfied with royal dainties.
Christ Jesus has no quarrel with His spouse. She often wanders from Him, and grieves His Holy Spirit, but He does not allow her faults to affect His love. He sometimes chides, but it is always in the tenderest manner, with the kindest intentions:it is "my love" even then. There is no remembrance of our follies, He does not cherish ill thoughts of us, but He pardons and loves as well after the offence as before it. It is well for us it is so, for if Jesus were as mindful of injuries as we are, how could He commune with us? Many a time a believer will put himself out of humour with the Lord for some slight turn of providence, but our precious Husband knows our silly hearts too well to take any offence at our ill manners.

WOW--it is SO wonderful to know that our perfect God is not offended at my foolish doubts. He knows me so well as to know all of my negative thoughts and still loves me--is there anything more wonderful than this? I guess, if He is willing to see me as full of beauty, I should at least be willing to try to see myself that way. What a new and wonderful thought as I ponder the good work which He has begun in this ugly duckling. Surely He will complete it in me!!!