Cora and I spent most of the day yesterday writing out thank you cards to 1/3 of the people who came to mom's funeral. My brothers did the others but there were a LOT of them to do. We're not even sending them to people who only sent cards, which would have doubled them. We're just not the kind of people, though, who just sign, "From the family of Erdie Delzer." I was wondering what Sharel was doing--she's an English teacher in the school system. When she told me what she wrote, I was happy. She did a good job and Duard did too. Rick was going to write, "From the family of Erdie Delzer," but Duard straightened him out so hopefully everybody who helped us get through this week will be properly thanked.
Please bear with me if this isn't the best writing in the world. I just need to write so I'm not going to be proofreading as I go through here. I'll be using lots of pictures to help tell my story.
Well, Wednesday morning we got up early. This was hard as we got to bed late after going to Eureka on Tuesday for the prayer service and trying to keep the farm and grain cleaner going in spite of it. I woke again with the sickening thought, "My mother is dead." I had a hard time convincing myself that it was really true those first few days, so I said it over and over.
The second thought I had was, "I wonder if Russell will come today?" I'll just tell you right away--he did NOT come to the funeral. In fact, nobody has heard from him since Sharel chewed him out for yelling at dad the night mom died. He actually yelled at my dad a few hours after mom died. Boy, talk about somebody who REALLY needs BodyTalk.
We chased through chores; took our showers; then tried to get Jacob in some shoes. We learned just then that Jacob's good shoes were too small so Cora went up in the attic and dug out a pair of Andrew's that were too small for him. When Jacob put them on, we noticed that the soul of the shoes was loose. We glued it with super glue (no shoe goo here) and put rubber bands on them to set the glue on the way down. We prayed that the glue would hold, but it didn't.
We planned to eat lunch with dad at the house, but he had already eaten with my Uncle David and Aunt Frances (his sister) when we got there. He was sobbing something awful but I urged my family to eat knowing that it would be pretty busy at the church later. Duard was just going home to eat and dress when we came and he asked us to get dad dressed. We told dad that he needed to shave and that brought him back to reality. He actually did a good job of dressing up for the funeral as we ate our lunch. Praise the Lord for people who take food to the houses of those in mourning.
Our family took dad to the church to bury his wife. As we were helping him out of the van, I noticed that our pastor from Alfred, Pastor Steve Kyner, was already there. You have to imagine what a joy it was to see him--he is one of the most loving people in the world!!! Here is his picture with Robert and Andrew in the church basement. Pastor Kyle Reinhiller (my dad's pastor) said that he didn't mind if Steve prayed for us so he did. What a blessedness to have someone who loves you pray for you at a time like that.
Here is a picture of my dad with his sisters. Aunt Francis is seated and Aunt Dee is standing. Uncle David (seated) is my Aunt Francis's husband and Aunt Dee's husband is dead already. My sister-in-law, Sharel, is standing. Dad is still in shock.
Dad wanted Duard and Sharel to walk him in and sit with him--here they are off to the right. This was fine with me as I couldn't have dealt with him anyway. We sat in the second pew as a family. I had asked that the children could sit with us, even though they were pallbearers, as I needed them close. Jacob sat beside me and needed more comfort than he had thought he would need. Here is a picture of my mom's coffin in front of the church. They have nice-sized screens on the walls now where the words of the songs are posted. Scenes of nature are on them in between songs. It added a lot to the service.
Duard and Sharel's youngest son, Dylan, is a musician. He played a song on his guitar that he had arranged and it was just beautiful!!! His accompanist is the daughter of my accompanist from my singing days in Eureka. My friend's name is Pat and she came to the funeral. When I saw her, all sorrow ceased as I ran to my dear friend of long ago. What an embrace that was!! I'll show you a picture of her later--she's as beautiful as ever. The children now understand why their papa and mama speak so fondly of dear Pat Grenz. :) It looks as though Emily is going to be a fine pianist like her mama!
We were all stunned when we looked at this picture. I was trying to get a picture of the children and their cousins as they took the coffin out of the church but the batteries were slow and I missed them. At first I was bummed when I looked at this picture of the man's back from the funeral home. However, Cora and I saw something profound just as I was going to chuck the picture.
In the foyer of the church there hangs a mirror for the men. Countless times, as a girl, I watched a man pull his comb out of his pocket and quickly run it through his hair before he entered the sanctuary for church. Well, I was standing at the perfect angle to capture my dad's face in that mirror. Here is what my father looked like as he left the church to go bury his wife. He was a wreck.
Here the children and their cousins are receiving their instructions on how to best move the coffin from the hearse to the grave site. Rick's son, Benjamin, is standing by Andrew and Duard's oldest, Cody, is standing next to him. I'm not sure where Dylan is but Jacob is behind Cody.
Here my children and their cousins are carrying mom to her
final resting place. The people from Carlsen's funeral home were absolutely wonderful to work with.
Here Duard is helping dad to sit. Pastor Reinhiller is close to dad holding his Bible. He sang a beautiful solo at the graveside but I just can't recall what the name of it was. I was comforted.
This is my second family while I was growing up. Mrs. Guthmiller was my second mom and the 4 Guthmiller girls were the sisters that I never had. This is the 3rd oldest girl, Carol. She and her husband, Jeff, drove all the way from Watertown (a 3 hour drive) that morning for mom's funeral. Carol is a grandmother of 3 already--she looks great!! Carol told me that the oldest sister, Anna, was going to drive down from Grand Forks for mom's funeral but had to have surgery on her foot that morning. I told Carol that Anna had sent me an email packed full of love so she had found a way to be there after all. :) Isn't it wonderful how love will always find a way to express itself?
Well, my children are getting ready for chores now so I'll have to finish posting about the time at the house that night at another time. I also want to share about the special time with Duard at the cemetery but I don't want to rush through that so I'll save it for later. I also want to add a picture of my friend Pat but I'm out of time.
Today the boys and I are going to Eureka to deal with dad. I'm dreading it! Robert is cleaning grain and Cora is babysitting for Stacey so it's just the boys and I. First I'm going to take a private walk out to the mailbox to deposit all of the thank you cards that we worked so hard on yesterday. It's going to be hard today so I ask for your continued prayers. Please pray that I will have wisdom to talk to my dad about giving up this idea of death.
Yesterday on the phone he said, "I just want to die." I said to him, in a nice calm voice, "How would you feel if I said that?" He thought a little bit and said, "I guess it wouldn't be good." I'm going to tell him that, if he continues talking about death, I'm going to have to withdraw for the sake of my health. It'll be hard, but I MUST TAKE CARE OF ME TOO!!!!!!!!!
Love to all,
Dawn
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