A tribute to Josephine

Well, I found my dear, 2 years young friend Josephine dead in the barn this morning! ): She was pretty bad last night when we got home from Bismarck, but I didn't give up hope. I gave her a shot of penicillin and did cortices for her again. Every chores since she accidentally got into the barn lime (which we use to spread on the barn floors before a new batch of calves), I've been giving her the milk from the other goats--about 2 quarts. There's not much extra production, as the kids are taking most of it now, but she got every drop. Last night she didn't want it, though, so my heart sank. I also gave her mineral oil each chores with the hopes that the poison would pass in the stool.

I guess it was her time to go even if I didn't think it was. My friend, Kimberly, had a goat live to age 17 so I never gave it a thought that I'd have to give her up so soon. Here's a picture of her from March of this year when she gave birth to twins. I had named the buckling, George for George Eschobar who spoke at the home school convention. Later I had named the doeling, Mary, to go with the George in IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE! We lost George when he was a few weeks old, so Mary is all that is left of this trio. She's the spotted one and is a bit wild so I can't imagine that she'll ever fill the empty spot in my heart that Joe has left.

I know there are probably lots of people who think that I'm a nut for grieving after Joe like this, but this friend greeted me twice a day when I went out to milk the goats. While I milked, Josephine would come up beside me and gently nuzzle her head up against my shoulder. She was always beside me when I was anywhere in the goat barn or pen. Joe never cared that I was wearing old, dirty barn clothes. She never cared that my hair was a wreck or I was hurting too much to lean over and hug her. She just looked up into my face and let me scratch her soft neck as she moved her head side to side. Honest to God, I miss her a million times more than I miss my mother!!!!!!!!! Who will eat oats out of my hand now or push her face up against mine while I milk the others? Oh Joe, why did you leave me when you had so much life ahead of you?

In 2002 when my favorite horse, Gabriel, died of West Nile disease I told Robert that I would never love another horse and I meant it. I haven't even wanted to touch a horse since that grueling week-long ordeal. Of course there haven't been any around to touch as the children sold their horse, Ben, shortly after to get the money to buy a trampoline. Now I feel the same way. All other goats are just animals--Joe was my friend who would listen to everything I told her and never judge me or gossip about what I said behind my back. She always loved being close to me even last night when she was in horrible pain. I could tell that my presence was a comfort to her even hours before her death. One other time I loved a goat like I loved Joe, so maybe I will again, but it's going to be a long time off.

Sometimes I actually think that loving isn't worth it. Sometimes I love a person and they turn their back on me just when I need them the most. Sometimes I love an animal and they die. Sometimes I say to Robert, "I give up on love." That's when he takes me in his arms and says, "Don't you dare. Your loving heart keeps my world going, girl." So I try again for I know that there are hurting people or animals in the world who need a little compassion now and then. How could I ever withhold that from them? Still, I will guard my heart now and cherish the memory of this wonderful friend whom I had named Josephine March Bornemann 2 years ago in the Spring when I bottle-fed her because her mama wouldn't take her.



PS. The death toll now is 3, with 2 almost recovered, and one still iffy. Please pray for Cora's doe, Lily. It's not certain yet if she'll pull through it or not.

PPS. I spent an hour this morning cleaning up the 2 bags of barn lime which they had strewn all over the bags of kelp and cattle mineral. I put it in pails but it was too heavy for me to move up to the storage room in the barn, so I covered the pails. I guess I should have done that about 3 days ago. ): Somebody stronger than me will have to lug them up the hill to the barn but at least it is out of their reach if they should happen to break out again.