Prayer for Wisdom

First of all, I want to thank everyone who has been sending us prayers. WOW! I've often heard folks say that they knew that people were praying for them because they could feel it. I often wondered what they meant, but now I know. It's like this. Suddenly I'd be overcome with sorrow for my dad and felt like I couldn't breathe. Then, just as suddenly, it was gone and I had peace. I know that this kind of peace can only come from God and I bless each one of you who has prayed for us.

So yesterday afternoon we planned my mother's funeral. It was an interesting experience, if one removes the emotional content. I am thankful that the Lord prepared me somewhat for the shock of picking out the coffin for my mother. I can recall, when we were living in Bismarck, we took the youth group to tour a mortuary. It seemed like a strange place to take a group of teenagers, but they seemed very interested in it. That day the mortician had explained pretty much the whole procedure of preparing a corpse for the funeral. I'm sorry if anyone is getting upset or grossed out about this, but you don't HAVE to keep reading. I do think it was very helpful for me to be prepared for the whole process before I had to deal with it. It's my goal here, therefore, to be used by the Lord to help prepare others who may be facing this situation in the near future.

Well, 2 of my brothers didn't show so it was just Robert and I, plus my brother Duard and his wife Sharel, and my dad. Dad was so traumatized by mom's sudden death that he couldn't do anything but sob most of the time. What a blessing a supportive spouse is at a time like this as I squeezed Robert's hand a lot!!!!!!!!!!! It kind of reminded me of being in labor--I squeezed his hand so hard then that it turned white. :) I truthfully didn't notice if it was white yesterday.

This is the lobby of the mortuary where we will hold the prayer service tomorrow afternoon at 2:00. Our family is going to sing AND CAN IT BE. This has become a special hymn to me as it was sung by some friends around their mother's deathbed. The message is that God came to earth to die for us--why would HE except that He is the most incredible lover to exist? Also, this morning now I'm feeling the Lord urging me to sing FIND US FAITHFUL too. This is an awesome song about setting a good example for others to follow who come after us in life. Please be in prayer for our family as we seek to show others that following God is a joy and a blessing beyond anything that this world could ever offer!




.
This is a picture of my dad and Robert standing by the
coffin that we picked for my mother. It's very pretty with
roses on the corners in ceramic. There's a large rose inside
the lid and one dainty one on the pillow. It all looks very
nice with the dress we chose for her. Sometime I will
write about the process of going through her clothing and
jewelry trying to find just the "Right" thing for her to be
buried in. Right now it's just too painful but you can see
it draped over the coffin.

I had Robert take a picture of me by the coffin that my
mother will be buried in. This is what I looked like 20 hours
after the sudden death of my mother. I knew that I would
look rotten but somehow I wanted this moment preserved.
My mother loved growing roses and we all felt that she
would have liked this coffin the best.



After we picked the coffin, we went back to the office and were told that we needed to pick a coffin spray, which is the fancy word for the bouquet that they put on top of the coffin. Dad looked away; Duard cleared his throat; Robert offered a sympathizing look; and I gestured to Sharel that I needed help. She paged through the book and Robert looked over her shoulder. Now, the reason that this was so hard for me was because of all of the times that my mom had commented about this to me. I can hear her saying over and over, "I do NOT want anyone to give me flowers at my funeral who have never given me flowers while I was alive. It's just plain hypocrisy. Please promise me that you will not allow it." She was very adamant about this and I'm sure that in my desire to please her, I probably promised it.

Suddenly yesterday, I could see her point. I looked at my dad and wondered if he had EVER given her flowers. I know that Robert and I gave her flowers at times, so I felt ok about that, but I wondered if my brothers had ever given her flowers to say, "I think you're special." Mr. Carlsen, the mortician, told us that the family are the only people who can put flowers on the casket. It made me feel awful to pick out flowers for her that would be from them which was against her wishes.

I cried out to the Lord for peace in this and suddenly Sharel turned the page. I gasped with pleasure at the gorgeous Spring bouquet there and I knew that mom would have loved these flowers. The pinks in the picture matched the pink on the coffin and I'm praying that they will in reality too. It was just "Perfect" and I had peace. Sharel and Robert liked it too--still no response from Duard or Dad. We looked a little longer but there was nothing else quite so lovely, so we told Mr. Carlsen that we wanted that spray.

Another decision, "Do you want it with the roses or without?" He asked. Well, with Father Scrooge sitting right beside me, I was torn. The roses MADE it just gorgeous. When Sharel said, "How about if we get the roses and each family member takes one out at the cemetery?" I knew what to do. "YES, with the roses," I said and smiled at Sharel.

Then to the bulletin insert. For most of my life I have read Psalm 23 inside funeral bulletins--I think that's how I memorized it. Well, words are a big deal to me--I'm a writer after all! So when Mr. Carlsen asked what we want printed inside the bulletin I silently prayed, "Not Psalm 23 Lord!"

Nobody, not even Sharel who teaches high school English, cared a smidgen about this. At first, I was tempted to give in but then I thought, "No, this is my mother's funeral and I'm going to say how I feel about things now instead of moping about it later on." So I started digging through the book of possible quotes while Dad picked the bulletin cover.

There were several really nice readings in there but nobody was interested. Then I turned the page and I just knew what I wanted. Shortly after my first miscarriage a friend had drug me along to a women's retreat. The speaker, Kay Arthur, had spoken on how to rise above suffering. She had so dramatically shared a reading that it has stayed with me all of these years. It's called THE WEAVER. It talks about how God is weaving a beautiful portrait of each life. It looks different to Him, though, than it does to us for we only see a small portion of it at any given time. We often don't see from our vantage point that the black threads are just as necessary as the light ones to make the picture beautiful. We can trust in God, though, to work all things together for good to those who love Him.

When nobody said anything, I said that I wanted THE WEAVER and Mr. Carlsen said that it was not used very often which added to my joy. I'll print it later, when I have a copy, but for now I suppose I should get to making lunch. I'll add that we picked a guest book for the funeral with roses on it; thank you cards with roses on it; and Dad picked praying hands for the bulletin.

We took Dad home then and picked some hymns for the congregation to sing. Dad's neighbor came over to express condolences and had a long talk with him about managing his diabetes. I was very grateful to her for that as we are all burdened as to how he will manage there without mom to keep his meals and insulin regular.

We had knoepfle soup together for supper which Duard's neighbor (and my old high school singing buddy) had brought over. We finished our meal with peach kucken which Sharel's dad and mom had ordered sent over from the store. God bless all people who take food to families preparing a funeral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After supper, we picked some pictures of mom's life to put up at the funeral. I found mom's guest book and made a notation on the next fresh page. This is what I wrote, "My mother, Erdie Delzer, died on April 25, 2009." When we left, there were 3 signatures already of people who care enough about somebody in our family to come over and express their love for us in their own special way. Somehow we will get through this.

The biggest prayer request at this point is that my oldest brother, Russell, will somehow find it in his heart to forgive my parents for the pain that they put on him. He isn't sure if he will come or not and I would just as soon he not come if he is going to bring hatred with him. I think these thoughts are what prompted me to consider singing FIND US FAITHFUL tomorrow at the prayer service.
Ultimately, it is up to US to decide how we will live our lives. What I have learned through my 20 years of recovery works is that when we take responsibility for how WE TREAT OTHERS, then it is that we are freed from the dreadful human habit of pointing our finger at others and shouting, "You hurt me when you did this to me."

OH THAT THE LORD'S LOVE WILL FLOW THROUGH ME TO ALL IN MY FAMILY WHO HAVE WOUNDED ME SO TERRIBLY. OH, THAT I WILL BE LIKE JESUS AND RISE ABOVE THE HATRED TO TOUCH THOSE HURTING AROUND ME WITH GOD'S LOVE!!! THIS IS MY GREATEST DESIRE IN LIFE!!! PLEASE KEEP ME COVERED WITH YOUR PRAYERS IN THE DAYS AHEAD SO THAT I WILL PLEASE MY LORD IN ALL THAT I DO AND SAY DURING THIS PROCESS OF BURYING MY MOTHER!!!