Humor--health related

Dear friends,

I was thinking this morning about my post on humor. I was hoping that you all don't think I'm the biggest Scrooge in the world. You see, I really DO feel all of those things about people who mock others. I just can't stand it because I can't stand to think of anyone having hurt feelings. One can't live through all of the years of abuse that I endured and take things like that lightly.

Still, I wondered this morning if my comments may have seemed harsh to others? After all, I wasn't exactly kind to these car expert buffoons. I was a bit surprised, then, that my thoughts were much kinder towards them this morning. Pondering the change I suddenly hit on a wonderful thought.

You see, I have had cancer numerous times in the past. I always treat it with herbs and my zapper and lots of TLC. One of the symptoms of cancer, and usually the first red flag that I'm dealing with it again, is that one's thinking changes. When I have cancer, (I can't speak for others) my thinking gets extremely negative. EVERYBODY BUGS ME!!! Why can't they try and be a little quiet; or a little less wiggly; or a little bit more compassionate? WHY INDEED.

Don't they know that my pain level is out of the roof? Can't they see the pain on my face as shown in this picture? Doesn't anybody care that I have cancer? Why do they expect me to keep working the way I always do when I have cancer? Who cares if they eat when I'm hurting so badly? Why do I have to continually ask people to carry the laundry basket out to the wash line for me? I can hang up the wash but I'm too weak to carry the basket. I want to be useful but I have such little strength. I can snap beans but carrying the water to the canner hurts too much. EVERYTHING HURTS TOO MUCH!!! Car expert bozos hurt too much. Can you see my thought processes here?

I'm humbling myself now. I don't want to be weak. Nobody wants to be weak. Nobody wants to need others to do the little things for them that they normally can do for themselves. I'm aching now because I can see that God wants me to share these thoughts to help others who have cancer and my natural instinct (from growing up in an incestuous home) is to keep my mouth shut and suffer all alone.

Have you ever read the thoughts of someone who has cancer? Has anyone ever taken the time to write them out to try to make a dent in the ignorance all around them? I'm writing for you, dear cancer patient, to try to help you see the ray of hope that comes from tackling problems like cancer by working WITH the body, not by attacking the body. God WILL heal me, as He has done so many times before, but not by my running in to be burnt or cut open.

Do you remember when I said that my naturopath, Dr. Faye, told me to ponder what I am to learn when I have cancer. Well, I see that I just learned a biggie. I think that what God wants me to learn this time is to share my thoughts with the world so that people can see that cancer warps one's thinking. Cancer completely changes me from a confident person to a whiny little kid. Cancer makes me angry because I can't do the work that lies around me without pain, Pain, PAIN!!!!!

Some days I just give up and lie in bed and do BodyTalk on myself and sleep all day--or soak in the whirlpool for 3 hours and turn into a prune. Those are the bad days. I've had it 10 weeks now and most days I can keep plugging along at about 1/2 to 3/4 pace. Those are the good days. Well, you know what? I'm selfish enough to want EVERY day to be a GREAT day!!!!!!!!!!

Cora took this picture of me this Spring when I felt great. When I don't have cancer, I feel great and so alive and so excited about everything all around me. I can work all day without tiring; cook wonderful meals for my family; teach exciting lessons to my children; do the laundry; or drive tractor; or milk the goats all without pain. My face is calm and relaxed and I do not hurt.

I WANT TO LIVE when I don't have cancer and I WANT TO DIE when I do have cancer. It's that simple. Cancer makes you want to die. I suffer from suicidal thoughts often when I have cancer. It just doesn't seem like it is worth the effort of fighting my way through the pain to a pleasant thought when I have cancer. Many people kill themselves when they feel like this. I can understand why.

I write to you who love someone who has cancer. I write this so that you may catch a glimpse of their thought processes. I write this so that you can try to understand what they are going through. I write this so that you may search your heart for a way to show them that you love them even though they have cancer.

You may never know what a little, tiny, eensy teensy weensy effort to try to understand someone who has cancer can mean to them. You may not know that a simple, little gesture can give a cancer patient the will to fight to the end of that day. You may not know that your words, "I'm praying for your health needs," can touch the heart of a cancer patient with extreme joy. It is this joy, which the cancer patient needs more than anything, that will begin to bring the healing.

Some day soon, when I am completely well, I will write about the routine I use when I have cancer. I'm not strong enough now, but I will do it soon. Today I needed to share what I have shared so that everyone out there will pause just one moment to reach out to someone who has cancer. The cancer patient can't help that they have cancer, but it's so terrifying that people prefer to stay away from them, and that is what hurts the most. That means that when the patient needs love the most, they fight the biggest fight of their lives ALONE!!!

Thank you for listening to my thoughts. This morning I feel quite a bit stronger than I did when I wrote the humor post. This morning I had the strength to write and explain that I only want to bring joy and beauty to the whole world. This morning I count my blessings of almost having the cancer licked. Look at this little guy in my hands. He's a half grown goose by now and I am growing too. I'm picking up my courage to express my thoughts about having cancer. This has helped me to grow more than I can explain. God bless you for listening.

To conclude, I would say that it would be wise for all of us to look for personality changes in those we love. If they seem more snappy and weak, it may be that they just need more rest or better food or a shoulder to cry on. However, if this continues for weeks, perhaps the kindest thing to do would be to climb over the Mountain Denial, and face the possibility that cancer may have become active in the body.

Then you simply MUST run to the doctor, right? WRONG. I can see that I need to write my cancer procedural chart out ASAP. Let me rest now and I'll see if I can find the strength to do it later on today. In the meantime, check out Dr. Hulda Clark's recommendations listed on my sidebar.

Love always,

Dawn