Day 15 of the Master Cleanse/No for an answer

I didn't have the strength to write last night as I was in too much pain. I wanted my last day on the cleanse to be so wonderful. I pondered about writing this, but since you wrote Tamera, I know that somebody is still reading this tale. You, of all people, will understand.
My mother called yesterday and told me that in August of this year their church will celebrate it's 50th birthday. She said that she wants my father's father's family to be in church that day and to sing, "God's wonderful people." She insists that the boys play their instruments, along with their cousin who plays rock & roll. She summarized her demand with, "And I won't take 'NO' for an answer."
Now, most of you would have no problem blowing her off, but she IS my mother. She has thrust this kind of guilt trip on me since my early teens and it has worked repeatedly in her favor over the years. I don't know if any of you have ever heard of a victim's mentality but it's what you inherit when you grow up a victim of abuse and nobody ever tells you that it's wrong for others to treat you that way. I have dealt with a victim's mentality for as long as I can remember and thought it was my "Lot in life."
After having read "Toxic parents" a few years ago, I came to understand that this kind of game coming from parent to child IS ABUSE. My 20 years of recovery work has helped me to see that what I suffered as a child in their home was abuse. I guess that I WANTED to believe that the abuse ended when I left their home, but it hasn't. Thank you so much, Tamera, for your efforts to help me to see this!!! I guess it was so disappointing, after I've been feeling so strong in myself through this cleanse, to find myself still vulnerable to her manipulation. I'm quite certain that she will never read this but, if she ever does, I pray that she will see how she hurts herself by thinking only of her own desires. I know that this is switching tenses here, which is soooooooooo imperfect but I have to wonder, "When am I ever going to matter to you, Mom?"
Well, my inablity to cope with her and everything else going on in my life, led to LOTS of pain yesterday. I did Access right before my family ate supper and that helped somewhat. I skipped Bonanza and did a session too but finally fell asleep exhausted from the efforts of 50 years of trying to gain my parent's love and approval.
Well, I slept and this morning I weighed myself. I lost 14 pounds through the whole thing. This was kind of a disappointment as there are poeple who lose 20 pounds in 10 days. Then I had to ask myself, "Dawn, where would you be if you hadn't done the Master Cleanse at all?" So, I picked myself up again; brushed myself off again; and made myself some orange juice with my Vita-mix.
On the first day after the cleanse, you drink Oranje juice along with the lemonade--no solid foods at all yet. It's very nourishing and also prepares the digestive system to start processing food again. It's nice to have a change from the lemonade but I find myself having no real desire to go back to solid food. I have so much more energy this way but I won't go more than 15 days on the cleanse because then the body switches to starvation mode and makes you gain weight even with only the lemonade.
Well, I praise God for getting me through the 15 day cleanse and especially yesterday. He sent me something else to ponder which helped. I ordered the Advanced asking procedure DVD from the IBA. This course is a requirement so that I can take the upper modules which are calling my name. Even neater is that my friend, Ellen, got hers yesterday too. The Lord has certainly blessed me with a precious sister in Ellen. Actually, as I go on in life and I am willing to be open about my wounds, I find that sisters aren't as rare as I used to think they were at all. :)
Soon I'll write about my final conclusions concerning the cleanse. Thanks for reading and encouraging me with your prayers and your comments. Oh by the way, I am feeling much better from the steer attack. It amazes me to see how the human body can repair itself with God's methods of healing. PRAISES TO THE LORD GOD CREATOR OF HEAVEN AND EARTH--CREATOR OF ME!!!!!!!!!!